Money Management for the Non-Financial Spouse

Among married couples, it’s not uncommon for one spouse to manage all aspects of the family’s finances. While in the short term that makes life simple for the non-financial spouse – often the wife – her lack of familiarity with the couple’s money, investments, taxes, and perhaps business ownership only worsens the fear and sorrow that strike if her husband pre-deceases her.

That is one of the scenarios highlighted in a November 1, 2025, Wall Street Journal article, “Her Husband Died Unexpectedly; She Spent a Year Untangling Their Finances.”

Although it can seem overwhelming, there are good ways for newly widowed spouses to gain their financial footing and move forward. Ideally (and you can make it happen), the process starts while both spouses are alive and in a good place mentally and emotionally.

Spousal Communication

It almost goes without saying that clear, open communication about the couple’s finances while both spouses are still alive is the best way to equip the non-financial spouse.

However, even couples with the best of intentions may find financial discussions hard to initiate and easy to put off “until later.” If you find yourself in that situation, you might ask your estate planning attorney, financial advisor, or accountant to lead you through that discussion, inventory your assets and liabilities, and make suggestions to ease the transition when the time comes.

It is often very eye-opening for both spouses to find out just how much or how little the other understands about their family’s finances or their responsibilities when the first passes away. Talking things out now can help avoid heartache and frustration later. (Some agenda items for “the spousal talk” are obvious; others, not so much. Another recent WSJ article, “Five Financial Blind Spots That Burden Grieving Spouses,” suggests a few discussion topics that you might not have considered.)

If you conclude that a spousal conversation about finances and legal matters simply isn’t going to happen, get creative. We recently learned of a husband (the financial spouse) who recorded a selfie video in which he went through all of the couple’s accounts, documents, and hiding places, and then he sent it to his wife.

Cross-Training

Perhaps once a year, you and your spouse should sit down and go through the financial spouse’s management habits and practices. The objective here is not necessarily to make the non-financial spouse fully proficient; rather, it is to give him or her peace of mind in knowing that the couple does have a system and, if pressed into service, the non-financial spouse will at least know where to start.

For example, if you use Quicken or other financial software, review how to log in, see what things look like, and explain how bills are paid and on what schedule. 

A Single Sheet of Paper

In many cases, reducing the couple’s accounts to a single sheet of paper that is kept in a secure place can be extremely helpful. The content might include the essential account numbers, your password vault, log-in credentials, cell phone passcodes, safe combination, etc. This document should be updated on a regular, scheduled basis (e.g., quarterly) and, in the interim, when one of the contents changes (e.g., a new password).

Having a bare-essential summary can go a long way toward equipping the non-financial spouse to assume his or her management duties and, in the process, gaining some valuable peace of mind.

A Trusted Helper

If you and your spouse would find it helpful, identify a trusted, financially savvy third party – perhaps your personal representative or successor trustee, or your tax professional or family attorney – with whom you could share basic information and include in your orientation discussion.

Newly Widowed

If you are thrust into the role of financial manager due to the death or disability of your spouse, ask that trusted helper for assistance. At the same time, slow down, take a deep breath, and don’t make any rash, long-term decisions. In most cases, that’s the first advice most experts give to widows and widowers who find themselves with major responsibility and little know-how.

There are a few things that would need to be done within a month or so of the spouse’s death – e.g., paying the monthly bills, taking care of taxes that might be due, and collecting any life insurance policies the spouse owned. Once those responsibilities are addressed, one can usually ease into the nuts and bolts of day to day management of personal finances.

We Can Help

Through years of leading couples through the estate planning process, we are comfortable in helping spouses communicate to each other their priorities and concerns on the way to making good decisions.

That experience can be valuable in helping a financial spouse describe for their non-financial spouse how the couple’s finances are managed. If you would like for us to facilitate a discussion of your financial habits and practices, please contact Ron Adams or Ryan Scharber.